defense mechanisms

(vest NORDSTROM RACK, t-shirt BANANA REPUBLIC, jeans TOPSHOP, boots TBA via SOLESTRUCK)

The last outfit I styled using this black cropped vest. I decided to go for a laid black look and work around this white boyfriend t-shirt from BANANA REPUBLIC. To keep up with the dressed down vibes I  wore my distressed jeans from TOPSHOP, which are super comfy! I kept the jewelry minimal and went for these long cross earrings and a dainty silver cuff. All jewelry worn for all three looks were gifted from my bestie, Lalene. She just seems to have an endless supply of bejewels and tries to find a good home for them and dizz guy right herrrre makes them feel right at home. Tying in the look, adding a bit of edge I chose to go with my studded TBA boots which I also was gifted from yet again Lalene! Cheers to amazingly generous besties!!! P.S I have a big smooch waiting for yah LALA! 

MY KEY DEFENSE MECHANISMS 

(ENNEAGRAM INSTITUTE)

• INTROJECTION- the unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others
• DISPLACEMENT- satisfying an impulse with a substitute object
• SPLITTING- is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole
• TURNING AGAINST THE SELF- involves self-punishment or sadistic behavior directed toward oneself.

We all have ways of protecting ourselves when we feel emotionally unsafe. These are my key defense mechanisms that I have associated with safety for me personally. Just because they are how I sought security doesn't mean they were particularly healthy ways to deal with my problems. Throughout the years they were ways I defended myself for my well-being. One of my defense mechanisms is introjection. I developed this as a child, internalizing the thoughts of other people. I'm not talking about the positive affirmations that I was told but the negative. I believed others when they called me weird I identified weird as different and different wasn't a great feeling as a child. Today I see weird/ different as a positive expression of my individuality. I rather be weird than boring. 

Displacement was a key defense mechanism when dealing with my high anxiety. I didn't know where to turn to so I substituted my anxious feeling with food. I always knew that for a period of time food would calm me down. But this displacement of food turned into an unhealthy eating habit and I gained a significant amount of weight which led to insecurity. I decided I'd channel that energy and impulsiveness with reality checking with myself and those that love me. Food should be viewed as nourishment and not be abused to mend my anxiety instead I found other healthy coping mechanisms such as running. Running is something that challenges me and keeps me fit. 

Splitting otherwise known as all-or-nothing thinking, not everything is black or white there can be grey area in certain situations. I would find myself categorizing my goals as either black or white but this was dangerous because I didn't understand the grey matter. If I accomplished a goal it was white and I was doing something right. If failure resulted when it came to goal setting it was black and I was in fact that, a failure. I didn't comprehend that although I did not reach the goal effort was involved. That effort is just as important to achieving a goal set and is the grey matter. Within time I learned to not be so hard on myself that some goals need more time to be carried through.

Turning against the self involves placing the blame or guilt upon yourself in order to release the hostility towards an individual. When it comes to arguments with loved ones I tend to place the blame  on myself. I view their negative criticism as a reflection of me, when in fact it is a reflection of themselves. I found courage within myself to approach the ones I love with my concerns. It comes down to educating them with what needs to be shared with me and what needs to be kept to themselves. There are boundaries that most people cross because they are unaware of what they are to begin with. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. I have experienced that turning against myself is a losing game.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF 

xoxo 

JOBABYY