coulda woulda shoulda

I coulda shoulda woulda but I didn't; I didn't fight for it hard enough with all my might and being I had it in me but I didn't. The walls are coming in they're getting smaller and smaller, my screaming is only becoming louder and louder. Why didn't I?!?  

I coulda shoulda woulda held you much tighter so you would know and never forget who I am to you, WHO AM I TO YOU?!? Your lips, your hair, your skin, your eyes, your ears; I memorize it all. The way your voice cracks. The sound of your breathing once you fall asleep with me over the phone and when we're together. I miss it all. I miss not having enough room for us in my twin bed. I miss having arguments about where to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I'm at a lost with words. Do you still have a lot on your mind? You said you had time to think. Unfortunately it may have been a don't know what you've got until its gone deal. She was searching for all the right words. She held onto him physically and mentally and was scared to let go. She found safety in him for so long. It took her forever to feel something and at that moment she felt everything, sadness and fear her heart was heavy. 

I am me and you are you and the past is the past. The present is now and I am here thinking I coulda shoulda woulda called you mine; MY LOVER, MY BEST FRIEND.