press PUBLISH

( skirt THE RACK, top SAVERS THRIFT|GAP, bomber jacket BUFFALO EXCHANGE|VINTAGE, purse, VINTAGE, boots ASOS|MANGO)

photos ERIKA FLOR 

Hi world! SHE-DGAF is still here and I have been working really hard with ERIKA on reconstructing this "blog" to a website. 

 It's really scary to continue to post photos and content on so many spectrums without coming off as a pretentious bitch. I squirm a little every time I press that publish button. But hey isn't that what SHE-DGAF is all about?!?! TRUTH IS I DO GAF low key and sometimes high key. BUT I know there are thoughts in my head and clothes in my wardrobe that I know others can find helpful in finding ways we can connect and relate. I am ultra passionate about self expression, styling and writing is the best way I know how to articulate myself besides my boogie skills dUH!!! I am sending you all Jobabyy hugs and kisses to anyone who's ever inspired me, sent words of encouragement and played a role in producing a project that came to life Y'ALL are the bomb dot com. THERE SHALL BE MORE CONTENT TO COME as the year comes to an end yo girl ain't waiting til the new year!!!       

WAIT>>>> DID THIS MAKE SENSE?!!? o_O 

SHE-DGAF

Stage 3: Lucid

STAGE 3: LUCID

I walked until silence became silence. They said solitude and self reflection would do me some good. I wasn't alone, I was with the company of my thoughts. One was brutally honest, she told me to face what was in front of me and stop running away, but I can't. I approached another one and she was kind and gentle. She spoke sweet words of who I was and what I deserved. I couldn't except those words and walked away. I came across one who was sad and remorseful and it hurt too much to stay so I left. And in the distance there she was, standing with her back turned against me. She looked cold and scared. I offered my hand but she refused. I told her of a place where the light would hit and she would feel warm. I promised her that I would keep her safe. She turned to me with eyes filled with tears and said "Save yourself".

No one or nothing could fill this void. Not a person. Not food. Not drinks. Not sex. Nothing that he could give me. I was dragged through the deepest pit of my soul. I held on for so long. I'm tired of putting up a fight. I'm finally letting go. I surrender. 

Stage 2: Limbo

STAGE 2: LIMBO

I couldn't sort through what was clean or dirty. Everything seemed grey. I had other things to occupy my head but these thoughts wiggled every bit of its being into the dark crevices of my brain. I replayed it over and over. Thinking things would change the story would be different. We would lay there naked my body finding warmth up against his. He'd tell me stories about his childhood until I fell asleep in his arms. Instead, I woke up cold. I saw him at the foot of my bed barely saying two words before he left. For a moment I just wanted him to see me. But I think I held hope inside of emptiness. What was it that I was looking for in him that I thought could cure me? Why did I need to be needed? I asked the questions and knew the answers. It was time to let it go. I had to accept the rejection, move forward, move on, alone. 

This silence is driving me insane. I'm O.K. Everything is O.K. Why am I losing my mind?!?!?

Stage 1: Longing

The first film out of 3 that I worked on with ERIKA FLOR ALCORAN who directed and edited the films. A special thank you to make up artist FLOWER RAMIREZ and actor BYRON ADAMS.
Subscribe to SHEDGAF Youtube Channel for upcoming films and videos.

STAGE 1: LONGING

Everything about you drew me in. I memorize it all. The way your mouth moves when you say my name. Your gaze into my eyes as if you know exactly what I'm thinking. I fall deeper and deeper you have me holding onto every word you say. We are complete opposites but fit perfectly with each other. My world is a complete mess but when we're together everything is in control. My heart beats faster and louder when you hold me. Do you hear it?

Nothing is at all what it seems. Every time it visits its like a sharp pierce to my chest and I lose all my breath. I have known this feeling for as long as I can remember. I let it eat away at me like eroding rocks and I become weak. I blindly climbed the tallest peak only to free fall into a dark muddy ditch. I'm grabbing onto anything for dear life gasping for air. I just keep falling. I just keep falling.  

i can change

( scarf THRIFT STORE, top OAK, pants H&M, earrings BANANA REPUBLIC)

photos SAINT LALENE

These cream colored culottes are a great alternative to trousers for the summer. I am absolutely obsessed with scarves tied in the hair as a bow or around the neck to accessorize minimal outfits.

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? I'm thinking about all the things I said I'll do but I haven't really attempted to execute and take action in making it happen. I want things so badly and I know the only person stopping myself from achieving these things is fear of my ideas being dumb. NOWS THE TIME!!!! BECAUSE I rather learn along the way and edit my work as I create rather than be too scared or insecure to produce and share things with others. I keep telling myself there's a reason why I can't sleep at night. BECAUSE I'm so passionate with what I do whether it's styling, writing, or producing other mediums, it's what keeps me up at night wanting to make things better. 

I want to connect with others. I want to start a dialogue in hopes that whoever may come across anything I've made will feel something... Lets be real... I hope they will feel inspired to go after things they want and create and go after whatever it may be without boundaries and restrictions.

I started SHEDGAF to create a movement within individuals to be unapologetic for who they are. The more I post on this platform, the more I become comfortable with knowing who I am and what I want to convey. My hopes is that my transparency with my stories and what I share will influence others to DGAF more and just do it!!

D.I.Y.

photos via tatiana.krista

( dress VINTAGE from BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shoes TOPSHOP, necklace ZARA)

This blue vintage dress has amazing details everything from the eggshell trim to the wide draped sleeves has got me feeling like a goddess!

I've been asking myself am I doing enough?! Am I really living to my full potential when it comes to going after the things I really want?!? And I can honestly say "No" I am not. I don't feel like I'm being hard on myself I just feel like I get discouraged easily when results don't happen instantly. I don't execute certain things because I think I'm not capable of teaching myself an unfamiliar craft. I can ask for help when I need it but I want to stray away from getting too comfortable with handing off a task to individuals when I should be learning how to do X, Y, Z. Where do I draw the line of asking for help and when I should put my big girl pants on and do it myself?!?






 

the start

(shoes TOPSHOP, dress VINTAGE from BUFFALO EXCHANGE)

Photos courtesy @tatiana.krista  

This nude dress with flower patch details gives off major sexy vibes, to down play the sexiness I threw on a tattered up white t-shirt. I accessorized the outfit with a statement pearl necklace which tied in the romantic feel of the dress.

Lately I've been really inspired with creative individuals who are hungry to feed their souls, working towards amazing goals of self expression. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many friends who all have such a strong voice to be heard. 

SHE FELT THE EXCITEMENT 

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME WHERE SHE WAS SHAMELESSLY SHARING WHAT WAS SO DEAR TO HER HEART

THIS WAS ONLY THE START BECAUSE BEING FINISHED MEANT SHE WAS DONE

SHE WASN'T DONE 

THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE TO THE STORY THAT MUST BE TOLD 

TIME WOULD TELL THE TALE OF HER 

HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND LESSONS LEARNED WOULD NOT BE KEPT TO HERSELF

IT WAS FOR OTHERS

holding myself

(jacket EILEEN FISHER, tunic BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shoes TOPSHOP, bracelets VINTAGE and THRIFTED)

I am holding myself and reminding me of my self worth. I am deserving of all the greatness life has to offer and no one or nothing can tell me otherwise. 

I have been thrown through a loop hole these past couple of weeks and have been facing rejection after rejection. One being with my job, I found so much of my self worth in my career. I had to realize that my job didn't define who I was and I am still a hard working determined individual. After mourning the loss of my job I had to pick myself back up because life goes on and I must too. I looked at all the positive that came out of the unfortunate situation. This is only going to make me stronger and much more resilient. I can rise above this and use the tools I learned to benefit me in the future. It felt like I took a hundred steps back to where I was a year ago. But in actuality I am definitely not the same person I was back then. I have met so many individuals that have inspired me to embrace my individuality and who embrace their own. 

This past weekend I faced rejection in the dating world, I got stood up. I finally saw this short lived relationship for what it was... a joke. Honestly speaking though I wouldn't want to be with any one who thinks it's O.K. to waste my time and lie to me. It empowered me to know my worth. I shouldn't kick myself in the head or play the blame game that there was something I could of done to make the situation better. This dude had his own agenda and I wasn't on it. 

So here I am now a little wiser than yesterday and much more hopeful. I think is the universe's way of pushing me into a brand new exciting direction.

was this it

( sunglasses PRADA, top BUFFALO EXCHANGE, jeans ZARA, sandals STEVE MADDEN, necklace TOPSHOP)

this excerpt is from a piece inspired by someone with a beautiful soul and beautiful dreams 

I believe in you and i hope you do too 

dreams can be reality

this is not it!  

SHE QUESTIONED THIS ROUTINE...SHE COULDN'T WRAP HER HEAD AROUND THAT THIS WAS WHAT HER DAY CONSISTED OF...WORK AND SCHOOL...SCHOOL AND WORK WAS THAT IT? THE OCCASIONAL HANGOUTS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON THE WEEKENDS? THERE HAD TO BE MORE TO THIS ROUTINE OF LIFE...SHE FELT SO SMALL IN THE WORLD BUT WHAT SHE FORGOT WAS HER DREAMS...SHE HAD SO MUCH BEAUTY TO SHARE... IT WAS CREATING AND SHARING IT WITH OTHERS TO CONNECT AND FEEL...

not giving up?

( beret H&M, top NORDSTROM RACK, skirt BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shoes TOPSHOP)

It's hard to walk away from it all when other's believe in you. So I guess I'll keep on keeping on. I have no other choice, so fine universe you win I'm not giving up!!!! I want to be unapologetic for who I am. I'm tired of making myself seem so very tiny in comparison to others. I won't give them that power. Sometimes I write and I post it here and then I reread what I posted and question it all. Do I make sense? Do I sound stupid? Why am I so vulnerable with my writing? Am I sharing too much? Who even reads this? I have so many questions and I am looking for answers!!! I want to know where am I going with all of this, taking photos, styling, posting my writing sharing it and wondering why I do it all???

whole again

( dress & vest BUFFALO EXCHANGE, boots FRANCO SARTO, earrings LOVEIT  JEWELRY) 

THEY SAID SOLITUDE AND SELF REFLECTION WOULD DO HER SOME GOOD. SHE FELT IDLE AND IT SEEMED AS IF SHE HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD...TIME TO SEARCH FOR WHAT SHE WAS LOOKING FOR...BUT WHAT WAS IT THAT SHE NEEDED TO FIND? SHE FELT HOLLOW...COULD OTHERS SEE RIGHT THROUGH HER? SHE WANTED SO BADLY TO SAY HOW SHE FELT...THE TRUTH...SHE HAD LOST HER INDEPENDENCE... SHE JUST WANTED TO GO FOR THE THINGS SHE SHE WANTED REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME...THIS HOLLOW FEELING WOULD PASS AND SHE WOULD FEEL WHOLE AGAIN...

SHE WOULD KNOW THE SMELL, TASTE, SOUND, SIGHT, AND TOUCH OF HAPPINESS. 

today & always

(jeans ZARA, top THRIFT STORE, boots JEFFREY CAMPBELL)

• I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE TODAY
• I CHOOSE TO BALANCE MY FEELINGS AND MY THOUGHTS TODAY
• I CHOOSE TO MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES TODAY
• I CHOOSE TO TRUST IN MY RELATIONSHIPS TODAY
• I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE I AM AMAZING TODAY

familiarity

( vest BUFFALO EXCHANGE, top BANANA REPUBLIC, jewelry VINTAGE, boots STEVE MADDEN)

I watched March slip through my fingers and just like that it is the  start of April.

She has known this feeling for as long as she can remember. Every time it visits it's like a sharp jab to her chest and she loses all her breath. She questions who she is and what she has to offer. Why does she become weak and let it eat away at her like eroding rocks. The current is so strong and she just has to wait until it subsides.  No affirmation feels omnipotent. She has climbed the tallest peak only to free fall into a dark muddy ditch of quick sand and now she must grab onto anything for dear life, grasping for air and a clear vision because nothing is at all what it seems.

equip

( jacket BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shirt BANANA REPUBLIC, skirt TOPSHOP, boots STEVE MADDEN, earrings H&M )

EQUIP: 

1. To supply with necessities such as tools or provisions
2. To furnish (someone) with the qualities necessary for performance; prepare

There are certain road blocks I am hitting at this point of my life and need to better equip myself in order to move forward. I am always striving for self improvement and setting challenging goals that seem unattainable, when in reality it is my fears that stifle me. I now affirm that I can achieve these goals if I continue to pursue the opportunities that are ahead of me. There is always a way out from the road blocks and it's up to me to find my path of fulfillment. 

SHE CONSTANTLY MADE EXCUSES FOR HERSELF 

IF IT WASN'T ONE THING IT WAS ANOTHER

WHY WAS SHE STANDING STILL

SHE BLAMED IT ON FEAR 

SHE BLAMED IT ON FINANCIAL SECURITY

SHE NEEDED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS AND LACK OF 

NO ONE OR NOTHING COULD MAKE HER MOVE

MOVE TOWARDS ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES THAT LIFE HAD TO OFFER

SHE WOULD LEARN WHEN SHE WAS UNFAMILIAR 

SHE WOULDN'T LET ANY ROAD BLOCK STOP HER 

SHE WAS EQUIPPED WITH ALL THE RIGHT TOOLS AND CONNECTIONS 

IT WAS UP TO HER TO USE THEM TO HER ADVANTAGE

TO STAND STILL OR MOVE TOWARDS 

LIFE...