he loves her...he loves her not

 

(dress LOVERS + FRIENDS)

HE LOVES HER... HE LOVES HER NOT...IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE LOVES HER...SHE MUST LOVE HERSELF

WHY DOES SHE FIND COMFORT IN HIM…NOT JUST HIM BUT THEM…THEM FROM THE PAST… HER PRESENT STATE OF MIND IS A MESS SHE CAN’T SEEM TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT SHE FALLS INTO THE SAME PATTERNS AND HABITS BAD? BAD BECAUSE SHE IS LEFT FEELING HORRIBLE ABOUT HERSELF AND LOST. SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD FULL CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION AND THE THING IS SHE DOES HAVE FULL CONTROL. SHE CAN CHOOSE TO CONTINUE SEEKING THIS COMFORT IN MEN OR SHE CAN SEARCH DEEP DOWN IN HER SOUL WITH ALL HER BEING TO BE TRULY COMFORTABLE WITH BEING ALONE. NOT ALONE IN THE SENSE THAT SHE IS ABANDONED AND HAS NO LOVED ONES BUT ALONE IN THE SENSE WHERE MEN DO NOT HAVE TO VALIDATE HER HAPPINESS AND EXISTENCE. EACH TIME SHE WALKED OUT OF HIS APARTMENT SHE FELT BAD ABOUT HERSELF. HER PRIDE WAS HURT ALL BECAUSE HE DIDN’T ASK HER TO STAY BUT THE THING WAS SHE DIDN’T WANT TO STAY. SHE WANTED TO GET FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM LOOSING CONTROL OF THE SITUATION BECAUSE SHE WAS IN CONTROL. SHE WOULD NOT ALLOW HERSELF TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS BUT THE REALITY OF IT WAS THAT SHE FELT IT ALL. SHE FELT HER HEARTBREAK EVERY TIME HE LED HER TO THE DOOR TO SAY GOODNIGHT. SHE FELT HER THROAT GET DRY. SHE FELT HER SHOULDERS TENSE. SHE FELT THE BLOW TO HER FAST BEATING HEART. SHE FELT THE WATER BUILD UP IN HER EYES. SHE REFUSED TO CALL THEM TEARS BUT THE FLOOD GATES WERE OPENING AND SHE FELT THE SALTY TEARS ROLL DOWN HER CHAPPED LIPS. SHE WAS IN CONTROL AND SHE ALLOWED HERSELF TO CRY. CRY TO NO LONGER SEEK THAT COMFORT BECAUSE SHE WAS ALL SHE NEEDED. SHE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT SHE HAD TO BE COMFORTABLE IN HER OWN SKIN BEFORE SHE SET FORTH ON THE JOURNEY OF FINDING COMFORT.