not britney

photos @erikafloralcoran

I shaved it all off. I woke up one morning and was so compelled to do it. It was the one thing I had always wanted to do to my hair. I couldn't get it off my mind throughout the whole day it became an obsession. I wanted to be in a good place in my life and not look back at this process as a troubling time "A BRITNEY MOMENT".  Instead I wanted to look back at it as a liberating and empowering time in my life. So I did it and I absolutely love it and never felt more beautiful. 

I was so attached to my hair. I switch it up every 3 to 4 months whether it was dying or trying a new cut. Shaving it meant there was no changing it up. I would have to sit with the growing it out process which is the state I am currently riding out. Shaving my hair is teaching me so many things about beauty and myself. This yes may sound cheesy but beauty really is confidence within yourself and having a positive energy you exude into the world. My hair doesn't make me hot or sexy. It's the kind person I am, my love of life and pouring nothing but love into what I do. Hair grows and I am growing with the process as well. 

press PUBLISH

( skirt THE RACK, top SAVERS THRIFT|GAP, bomber jacket BUFFALO EXCHANGE|VINTAGE, purse, VINTAGE, boots ASOS|MANGO)

photos ERIKA FLOR 

Hi world! SHE-DGAF is still here and I have been working really hard with ERIKA on reconstructing this "blog" to a website. 

 It's really scary to continue to post photos and content on so many spectrums without coming off as a pretentious bitch. I squirm a little every time I press that publish button. But hey isn't that what SHE-DGAF is all about?!?! TRUTH IS I DO GAF low key and sometimes high key. BUT I know there are thoughts in my head and clothes in my wardrobe that I know others can find helpful in finding ways we can connect and relate. I am ultra passionate about self expression, styling and writing is the best way I know how to articulate myself besides my boogie skills dUH!!! I am sending you all Jobabyy hugs and kisses to anyone who's ever inspired me, sent words of encouragement and played a role in producing a project that came to life Y'ALL are the bomb dot com. THERE SHALL BE MORE CONTENT TO COME as the year comes to an end yo girl ain't waiting til the new year!!!       

WAIT>>>> DID THIS MAKE SENSE?!!? o_O 

SHE-DGAF

Stage 3: Lucid

STAGE 3: LUCID

I walked until silence became silence. They said solitude and self reflection would do me some good. I wasn't alone, I was with the company of my thoughts. One was brutally honest, she told me to face what was in front of me and stop running away, but I can't. I approached another one and she was kind and gentle. She spoke sweet words of who I was and what I deserved. I couldn't except those words and walked away. I came across one who was sad and remorseful and it hurt too much to stay so I left. And in the distance there she was, standing with her back turned against me. She looked cold and scared. I offered my hand but she refused. I told her of a place where the light would hit and she would feel warm. I promised her that I would keep her safe. She turned to me with eyes filled with tears and said "Save yourself".

No one or nothing could fill this void. Not a person. Not food. Not drinks. Not sex. Nothing that he could give me. I was dragged through the deepest pit of my soul. I held on for so long. I'm tired of putting up a fight. I'm finally letting go. I surrender. 

Stage 2: Limbo

STAGE 2: LIMBO

I couldn't sort through what was clean or dirty. Everything seemed grey. I had other things to occupy my head but these thoughts wiggled every bit of its being into the dark crevices of my brain. I replayed it over and over. Thinking things would change the story would be different. We would lay there naked my body finding warmth up against his. He'd tell me stories about his childhood until I fell asleep in his arms. Instead, I woke up cold. I saw him at the foot of my bed barely saying two words before he left. For a moment I just wanted him to see me. But I think I held hope inside of emptiness. What was it that I was looking for in him that I thought could cure me? Why did I need to be needed? I asked the questions and knew the answers. It was time to let it go. I had to accept the rejection, move forward, move on, alone. 

This silence is driving me insane. I'm O.K. Everything is O.K. Why am I losing my mind?!?!?

Stage 1: Longing

The first film out of 3 that I worked on with ERIKA FLOR ALCORAN who directed and edited the films. A special thank you to make up artist FLOWER RAMIREZ and actor BYRON ADAMS.
Subscribe to SHEDGAF Youtube Channel for upcoming films and videos.

STAGE 1: LONGING

Everything about you drew me in. I memorize it all. The way your mouth moves when you say my name. Your gaze into my eyes as if you know exactly what I'm thinking. I fall deeper and deeper you have me holding onto every word you say. We are complete opposites but fit perfectly with each other. My world is a complete mess but when we're together everything is in control. My heart beats faster and louder when you hold me. Do you hear it?

Nothing is at all what it seems. Every time it visits its like a sharp pierce to my chest and I lose all my breath. I have known this feeling for as long as I can remember. I let it eat away at me like eroding rocks and I become weak. I blindly climbed the tallest peak only to free fall into a dark muddy ditch. I'm grabbing onto anything for dear life gasping for air. I just keep falling. I just keep falling.  

i can change

( scarf THRIFT STORE, top OAK, pants H&M, earrings BANANA REPUBLIC)

photos SAINT LALENE

These cream colored culottes are a great alternative to trousers for the summer. I am absolutely obsessed with scarves tied in the hair as a bow or around the neck to accessorize minimal outfits.

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? I'm thinking about all the things I said I'll do but I haven't really attempted to execute and take action in making it happen. I want things so badly and I know the only person stopping myself from achieving these things is fear of my ideas being dumb. NOWS THE TIME!!!! BECAUSE I rather learn along the way and edit my work as I create rather than be too scared or insecure to produce and share things with others. I keep telling myself there's a reason why I can't sleep at night. BECAUSE I'm so passionate with what I do whether it's styling, writing, or producing other mediums, it's what keeps me up at night wanting to make things better. 

I want to connect with others. I want to start a dialogue in hopes that whoever may come across anything I've made will feel something... Lets be real... I hope they will feel inspired to go after things they want and create and go after whatever it may be without boundaries and restrictions.

I started SHEDGAF to create a movement within individuals to be unapologetic for who they are. The more I post on this platform, the more I become comfortable with knowing who I am and what I want to convey. My hopes is that my transparency with my stories and what I share will influence others to DGAF more and just do it!!

D.I.Y.

photos via tatiana.krista

( dress VINTAGE from BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shoes TOPSHOP, necklace ZARA)

This blue vintage dress has amazing details everything from the eggshell trim to the wide draped sleeves has got me feeling like a goddess!

I've been asking myself am I doing enough?! Am I really living to my full potential when it comes to going after the things I really want?!? And I can honestly say "No" I am not. I don't feel like I'm being hard on myself I just feel like I get discouraged easily when results don't happen instantly. I don't execute certain things because I think I'm not capable of teaching myself an unfamiliar craft. I can ask for help when I need it but I want to stray away from getting too comfortable with handing off a task to individuals when I should be learning how to do X, Y, Z. Where do I draw the line of asking for help and when I should put my big girl pants on and do it myself?!?