reset button

 (dress BUFFALO EXCHANGE, shoes TOPSHOP, hat THRIFT STORE)

One moment I'm basking in how content my life feels and then an overpowering wave comes crashing down on me where I question everything.

I feel so lost lately and I'm climbing to get out of the dark hole of misery and doubt. I feel like I've been on the go for the past month and other aspects of my life have been neglected for various reasons. I don't have the energy and the motivation to get certain things done that need special attention, one being taking care of myself physically and mentally. I guess I just feel like there's this void in my life. I have high expectations for myself and haven't met them and question if I'm on the right path to even achieving those goals. I know what I'm passionate about and need to revisit what's important in my life. I need to press the reset button and believe this is just a moment passing.

"WHATEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE I HAVE THE TOOLS AND SKILLS TO OVERCOME IT"

grey

SHE DREAMS IN COLOR OF VIRBANT HUES

HER LIFE ISN'T PAINTED BLACK AND WHITE BUT EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 

SHE COLORS OUTSIDE OF THE LINES IT MAKES HER FEEL ALIVE

ALL SHE CAN DO IS STRIVE

SHE SEES BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN 

AND CHALLENGES HERSELF TO FIND PEACE WHERE THERE IS CHAOS

SHE MAKES NO SOUND AND STILL MANAGES TO SCREAM POSITIVITY WHEREVER SHE MAY TREAD

SHE WONT REST TIL SHE'S DEAD

SHE WANTS TO FEEL ALL THE PAIN AND HAPPINESS

THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY FOR HER TO CREATE HER MIND IS CONSTANTLY RACING

SHE IS NEVER STILL AND ALWAYS PACING

SHE HOPES TO FIND A PLACE WHERE SHE FEELS AT HOME 

A PLACE WHERE SHE CAN BE FREE FROM RESTRICTIONS AND RULES

BUT SHE KNOWS SHE NEEDS THESE RULES TO SET LIMITS

NOTHING CAN STOP HER FROM FINDING HER WAY

THINGS MAY BE GREY

BUT NOTHING AND NO ONE CAN MAKE HER STAY 

open arms

(blouse NORDSTROM, trousers THRIFT STORE, sandals BIRKENSTOCK)

SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT
HER THOUGHTS STILL RACED
HER MIND STILL WANDERED 
BUT SHE WASN'T HELD CAPTIVE BY HER PAST
SHE FELT LIBERATED THAT SHE COULD FULLY IMMERSE HERSELF WITH LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
NO ONE OR NOTHING COULD MAKE HER FEEL THE GUILT AND PAIN SHE LIVED THROUGH
NOT EVEN HER
EACH DAY WAS TRULY A BLESSING WITH AND WITHOUT THE STRUGGLES
SHE KNEW SHE COULD GET THROUGH THE DAY 
BEAUTY SURROUNDED HER
LIFE WAS HAPPENING ALL AROUND HER AND SHE WANTED TO FEEL IT ALL
ALL THE PAIN
ALL THE LOVE
SHE WELCOMED IT ALL WITH OPEN ARMS

ruffle mustard gold goodness

(top SAVERS, jeans THRIFT STORE, necklace WACKO, sandals STEVE MADDEN)

SHE WAS RESTLESS AND LAID IN BED FOR AN HOUR BEFORE SHE DECIDED TO WAKE UP AND START THE DAY. SHE ANTICIPATED ALL THE TASKS THAT SHE HAD TO ACCOMPLISH. BUT FIRST COFFEE. SHE POURED HERSELF SOME INTO HER FAVORITE GEOMETRIC CERAMIC MUG. WHERE WOULD SHE BEGIN HER DAY. SHE SKIMMED HER RACK OF CLOTHING PICKING OUT A RUFFLE MUSTARD GOLD BLOUSE PAIRING IT WITH HER LIGHT WASH MOM JEANS. SHE ALWAYS ELEVATED HER LOOK WITH ACCESSORIES AND PICKED OUT A MINT GREEN STATEMENT NECKLACE THAT ADDED THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF QUIRKY TO THE OUTFIT. AND FOR THE FINISHING TOUCHES SILVER METALLIC PLATFORM SANDALS. GETTING DRESSED WAS CHECKED OFF HER LIST. SHE WAS READY FOR WHAT THE DAY HAD TO OFFER. 

sorry I'm not sorry

( top BUFFALO EXCHANGE, skirt NORDSTROM RACK, earrings BROOKLYN BAZARR) 

SHE WATCHED DAYS TURN INTO WEEKS..WEEKS TURN INTO MONTHS..MONTHS TURN INTO YEARS THE TIME WAS NOW..NO BETTER TIME THAN THE PRESENT..

WHY HAD SHE WAITED TO BEGIN ANYTHING THAT SHE KNEW SHE COULD ACCOMPLISH..HER WORDS FELL FLAT..WHEN WOULD THEY BECOME CONCRETE..THERE MUST BE SOMETHING HOLDING HER BACK BUT WHAT WAS IT.. SHE HAD EVERYTHING WITHIN HER REACH..

SHE WAS ALWAYS THE ONE TO HELP OTHERS BUT WHY NOT HERSELF..HER SELF WORTH WAS LOW..SHE KNEW SHE THERE WAS MUCH MORE FOR HER TO OFFER THE WORLD BUT SHE HELD BACK..BUT THAT WAS THE THING WITH HER WHEN WOULD SHE STOP HOLDING BACK..SHE HAD TO STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING HER..THE TIME WAS NOW..

I find that often times people apologize for being who they are and the word sorry gets tossed around loosely. BUT you know what I'm not sorry "SORRY I'M NOT SORRY" for being me and you shouldn't be either. The challenge is to stand up for who you are and to not let others second guess your integrity. I love myself and that is not a crime!!

content

(jeans MOSSIMO, blouse BUFFALO EXCHANGE, sandals FRANCO SARTO) 

I've been really content these days. I have no major fears or worries of what's to come which is really rare for me. I'm usually an anxious person and have things that bother me daily but as of late I'm not sweating the small things. I think it's because I have been constantly surrounding myself with an encouraging support system who are amazing individuals helping me reach my goals daily. Life isn't that scary so much when you have people who truly love you cheering you on to help you reach your full potential.  

waiting

(top BUFFALO EXCHANGE, dress THRIFT STORE, boots and necklace TOPSHOP)

SHE CONCENTRATED ON THE CANDLE FLICKERING. THE LIGHT MADE A SHADOW OF HERSELF AGAINST THE CONCRETE WALL.SHE FIDDLED WITH THESE TINY PEBBLES THAT SUBBED AS GRASS WHILE SHE SAT THERE WAITING. 

WAITING USUALLY MADE HER UNCOMFORTABLE AND HER PHONE WAS AT A LESS THAN 20 PERCENT BATTERY LIFE SPAN, SHE COULDN'T HIDE BEHIND TECHNOLOGY ALL SHE COULD DO WAS SIT AND WAIT. THE VOICES OF OTHER CONVERSATIONS FILLED THE AIR, FLOATING AND HOVERING ABOVE HER. SHE FELT CONNECTED AND BECAME MINDFUL OF THE SIMPLE THINGS OTHERS TEND TO OVER LOOK WHILE WAITING. 

It's crazy how fixated we are with our phones. I was challenged yesterday when my phone hit the below 20% life span so I couldn't fidget with it while I waited for a friend in the restroom while we were at a cafe for dinner. I sat there what seemed like forever without my phone which was so silly. The ambiance was so beautiful and I just sat there being mindful of my surroundings.

floral boyish blue button up

(blouse & jeans GOODWILL, tank top FREE PEOPLE, boots TBA via SOLESTRUCK, necklace NORDSTROM RACK)

I had itch to go shopping but didn't want to break the bank as usual so I took my caboose to GOODWILL. I normally don't thrift at GOODWILL so I had no idea what to expect. I was actually pleasantly surprised because I walked away with a handful of cute blouses and these jeans! I finally found a pair that fit! I'm the girl who tries on 10 pairs of jeans and then walks away with not wanting any of them (GUILTY). This pair of ripped and distressed denim are perfect for the summer season and the light wash is perfection! This outfit is totally giving off boyish vibes with this floral blue button up. I love how the floral adds just the right amount of a feminine JOBABYY touch! 

oversized blouse

(blouse SAVERS, top&hat THRIFT STORE, shorts BUFFALO EXCHANGE, boots VINTAGE, earrings WACKO)

I love this outfit so much that I begged LALENE (my best friend aka my photographer) to go out after we shot so I can prance the town in it (so vain). I found this blouse in the XXL section at SAVERS. I always look in that particular section because I find gems that can be dresses because of the oversized features or they can be dubbed into awesome kimono type outerwear. Speaking of oversized, these shorts I found at work are way too big I got overly excited because I got them up past my thighs, but that doesn't mean they fit. Every time I walk they fall down and showing your thong is so 2000 and late. The question to get rid of them or to always wear a belt when wearing them?!  

white trench

(trench ASTR, top & jeans VINTAGE, sandals TOPSHOP)

This white trench is the perfect outerwear for this summer weather. I love it paired with this lace pink floral top that reminds me of the 90's. Now that I think about it this whole look is an updated 90's look. It's probably the twisted headband that Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell might of rocked with her big amazing hair!

I've been creatively stuck for quite some time now and haven't been inspired by anything to write or just to create. It's really bugging me because I feel empty without a connection to my creativity. I've been encouraged to jot down thoughts and ideas that are as simple as a sentence in a notebook so I can refer back to these notes when I'm having writer's block. I also am trying my best to blog even when I'm not the most creative because it's better than avoiding and not blogging at all. ACTUALLY DOING THE THINGS even when you are in a rut. It helps that I have the best girl gang, my support group cheering me on to be the best I can be.

sheer green kimono

(kimono&top THRIFTED, pants NORDSTROM RACK, boots TOPSHOP)

It's already July this year is flying right past me! There's so much I want to do this summer but so little time off I get. I can't wait to plan my summer vacation somewhere relaxing and inspiring of course!

I found this green kimono in a bag of clothes that were going to be donated and pulled this gem out right away! That's the thing about me I love getting rid of things but come back to my closet in regret. To the ones that got donated because "I thought" I had no use for it any more, this is my apology to all the clothes I didn't give a fair chance. 

making it work

(t-shirt BANANA REPUBLIC, jeans VINTAGE RALPH LAUREN DIY, shoes& necklace TOPSHOP, hat URBAN OUTFITTERS)

My attempt at being crafty, taking these boyfriend vintage RALPH LAUREN jeans and patching them up with fabric swatches. I don't really sew but I was determined to make this project work. That's the thing about determination when you really want something that bad you make it work no matter what obstacles may come your way.  I always say when there's a problem there's a solution and if the first one doesn't work out you try until the second or fourth does work. The goal is to not give up and keep on keeping on! 

white out

(tank top NORDSTROM RACK, jeans & hat THRIFTED, shoes TOPSHOP)

I love an all white outfit but hate that 80 percent of the time I'll end up with some sort of stain on either garment. 

After all the searching I finally landed a job! Trying to juggle priorities alongside work is quite the task at hand. I'm learning so much already and it's only my second week. It feels so nice to finally get back into the swing of things of putting myself out there. It was a bit scary but nothing that deep breaths and mantras can't fix!

I AM SO THANKFUL & BLESSED WITH A NEW EXCITING CHALLENGING OPPORTUNITY. I AM GRATEFUL TO BE DOING WHAT I LOVE. PLEASE GUIDE ME ON THE PATH TO SUCCESS AND HUMBLE ME LORD. I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN LED TO THIS POINT IN MY LIFE WITHOUT HAVING FAITH IN YOUR PLAN FOR ME.
  

sleep

(blouse THRIFTED, skirt ELLA MOSS, boots TJMAXX)

My best friend inspired me to write this little piece. While hanging out at my house she decided to take a nap so I took it as an opportunity to write. She started to snore (lol) and it made me think about sleep and being at peace from all the worries we carry from day to day.

SLEEP

Her body was tense and something was weighing heavy on her heart. She couldn't pin point what but she wasn't at ease. She crawled into bed and focused on her deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly. She started to finally relax. The tension and all her worries rose from her body and floated up above her. She felt the heaviness of her eyelids fluttering back and forth. After putting up a fight they shut close. Nothing could harm her now she was at peace. 

lost

(dress ROSS, boots VINTAGE,necklace NORDSTROM RACK)

She's lost all sense of direction. She's lost her way, her path. To go left, to go right, up or down. She lays in bed searching for goals to reach..Seeking for something tangible and real. She wants to feel again something other than brokenness..She's stronger than she thinks she is..She's stronger than the cross she bears.. There's nothing but fear standing in her way.. There's so much she has to give to the world she has so much to say..She wants to love herself more than anything or anyone..This is the goal and her journey has already begun. 

MAY I FIND PEACE WITHIN MYSELF, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH TO GET BETTER PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. HELP ME LET GO AND LET YOU IN  TO BE MY GUIDE BECAUSE LORD I MAY NOT KNOW BUT YOU KNOW.

change your hair change your negative mood

(top TRIFT STORE, dress NORDSTROM RACK, earrings DRAUGSVOLD, shoes TOPSHOP)

Your girl got a perm and I am absolutely loving all of it's big curliness!! "We always want what we don't have" and in this case for  me it was kinky hair. I've always related changing my hair to changing my mood. When I'm feeling shitty the thing I turn to is to change it up with my hair. I have this magical perception of myself that I'd instantly be in a better mood after I make some sort of hair change. It really does help me get out of a funk and I channel this whole new self. When I've changed my hair and I'm still in a slump there's nothing else to change but my attitude towards the situation. When I'm being negative that's a warning sign to GTFO of it pronto! Being negative has never solved and evolved to better things. What I've realized is to channel everything in me to work towards a healthier mindset and to stay in a slump for as little time as possible. I am stronger than I think I give myself credit for and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.   

internal vs. external

(blouse & shorts THRIFT STORE, shoes NEW BALANCE)

Every day seemed to be a battle to face. I lost all interest in the things that would regularly make me happy. I wasn't getting immediate results with the goals I was working towards and became easily discouraged. I had to take a step back and reevaluate my life and what I really wanted out of it. All I really want is to truly accept myself for all that I am on good and bad days. I realized all the goals I was working towards were all materialistic and external factors, what should matter the most are my internal qualities that make up the core of who I am. I think it takes a lot to press the pause button and really humble yourself, another positive goal to work towards but also a challenge. 

furry furs

(all photos via PINTEREST)

This rainy weather gots me thinking about furs. California why do you tease me with the cold?!? Come tomorrow it'll probably be sunny and all my hopes and dreams of being in furs will be down the drain.

I finally cleaned out my closet! Absolutely everything in my wardrobe will be worn at some point. I have tossed out all the pieces that no longer fit and have given them to a home where new adventures will be made in them. FAREWELL ill fitting clothes you won't be able to mock my body! I can go to my closet and throw on anything without feeling the guilt that a piece may not fit right. Now the dilemma is what do I even wear?!